All the changes taking place in my life; I am hopeful that love finding me is one of them.  I keep telling myself I am not lonely - who am I kidding!  I still can't seem to occupy my mind and find the peace I wish to have in solitude.  Kids are home, most bills are paid, job is going well.....   But I know something big is still missing.....
I wish so much that I could just be content with where I am.  I find myself looking around this house and seeing all he did here and feeling sad that we didn't work!  I never want to go back; but forward sounds real good.  Lord, help me find peace in the place I am right now.  Help me be content with what I have, satisfied with how far I have come, and hopeful in what you have planned for me!  Thank you again for strength and wisdom.
Always remember:   BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.....

Today is Thanksgiving.  The kids and I had a great meal together; I prayed for all of us, including their dad, we ate well and spent the afternoon together.  An absolutely beautiful sunshine filled day!
This morning before anyone woke up I listened to a message about the Israelites crossing the Jordan River.
It struck me funny a little while later - I thought about God making them wander in the desert 40 years.  I have been thinking, in my life, so much time has been wasted.... 47 years to get to this point ....
Then I realized, I needed to wander in the desert all these years to be ready for the Promise Land (the land of Milk and Honey), just like the Israelites. I could never move forward as the person I am, if I hadn't gone through all the things I have experienced in this life.  It wouldn't be possible know exactly what I want in my life, if I hadn't experienced things I know I don't ever want again.  God has a plan for each of us.  We just have to learn to trust Him and know He is in control.  Thank you Lord for opening my eyes and allowing my faith to grow stronger each day!

Looking out the window at the rain falling down, a squirrel running back and forth on the tree branches, knowing the birds wish I would fill their feeders....  Thinking about this amazing life and wondering how a person can change so much over time.  I'm sure I have changed too, but how is it he could be what I thought I needed for so long and become such an angry, unhappy soul?  Talking with him for just a minute today reaffirms the fact that he has no joy in his heart.  I've known this for a long, long time.  I'm so glad I now have a clear vision of what my life needs to be.  I am truly HAPPY!  Tears of healing as well as tears of joy roll down my cheeks.  Thank you Lord for bringing me this far...  I look forward to whatever you have in store for me!

I thought having my kids home would be a big enough distraction to keep me from thinking about my personal emotional/physical wants and desires.  It is so soon after my separation - yet so long since I have had a real bond with a man.... That certain someone is always on my mind, yet so not available : (
I have faith in God to work all this out in His own time, I just wish it was possible to completely turn off that part of my brain for a while.....  I have found some great quotes about love.  I don't think I will ever get married again; to many people fall into a trap of taking each other for granted after a period of time.  Unfortunately, we as humans don't seem to know how to truly appreciate each other if we "commit" to each other.

I believe God will send the perfect guy to find me when the time is right!  I have faith, now I just have to calm my heart and soul and wait patiently on the Lord...  This is the hardest part!!

The wonders and joys of life!  I am so thankful to have God on my side!  So many people in this world may never experience what I have.  My kids are back home because they want to be here - to know they can appreciate the simple life already is a blessing.  My life feels like it has purpose.  Not only as a mom to love and care for them, but to pray with and for them - hopefully showing them a Godly example as a person each day.  May they see what I believe everyone else sees in me - God's light shining bright!  Lord, I place all my Faith, Hope, Joy and Love in YOU!

Never in my life have I shed tears of joy!  I find myself regularly letting these tears flow from my eyes, reflecting the pure joy I have in my heart!  God is so good.  He has given me so much!  My kids are coming home tonight, I will get to hug them tomorrow morning for the first time in two months....  I have the greatest friends ever... I now have some wonderful preaching to listen to.... my job is wonderful fun, full of excitement and opportunities.... ; on and on I could go.
Faith has brought me to this point, faith will lead me on.  I feel as though I am a walking testimony to God's love and care for His people.  I AM His faithful follower, anxious and excited to see where He leads me next!
Thank you Lord for loving ME!

The kids will be home in just a few days : )
My heart and soul are at peace and rest at this time.  Life is good!  Many challenges are to come, I'm sure, but we will face them head on.  Lord, I look forward to whatever you bring our way.  We can do anything with You on our side!  Thank you for the great friends I have made these past few months.  Continue to grow these friendships into great relationships that will last our lifetime.  I am so grateful for the joy and sense of humor you have given me.  I love to laugh and have fun with all the people I work with.  Without laughter and joy, we would be a miserable bunch...
Help me teach my children about being joyful and happy - about living life fully.  Maybe they can have a much more fulfilling life at an earlier age than I.  Let my light shine for your glory.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine....  : )  "

I am constantly surprised by the new person I have become.  I am bold and unafraid.  Amazing!  I am no longer willing to wonder about things that will cause me to worry.  I charge right in and find the answers.  I am not willing to lead myself astray.  I am willing to admit the truth in any situation and find my way through it whether it hurts or not.
This is all a reflection on my feelings about someone I care very much about and am wondering how they feel about me.  I have spent a few months wondering; now I am asking for clarity and communication.  I don't want to deceive myself.  If friendship is as far as it goes, I can accept that.  If there is a possibility for more down the road - I just need to know so I can let my heart continue feeling the way it does.
No need for false hopes and future pain that is unnecessary.  I'm a big girl; I can handle it.

I just want to make sure I am aware of the other heart I am suppose to find.  I believe God will bring it to me when I don't even notice......

Both Kaitlyn and Justen arrive in Asheville on November 15th!!  Life is sure interesting and unpredictable!!  Once I talked to her, and she talked to me, I realized how unhappy she really was, the decision was made to get her home as soon as possible!  I can't wait for them to arrive.
Emotionally I have been a complete mess; all the memories of my past somewhat relived as well as knowing of current pain by everyone has  been very difficult.
Each day I know I am growing stronger and better, so each tear is worth shedding!  Lord, you lift me up when I am weak, you lead me where I need to go, you are in control...
I am watching you and listening for your direction in my life.
Continue to carry me when I cannot walk... Thank you Lord... AMEN

So this is where I am.... I think people see me as holding it together; really, I do fall apart at times.  I am always hoping the down times are healing times.  I believe I am growing stronger each day.  When Justen makes it home it will be a blessing to have someone here to share life with.  He is grown up enough to have his own life; we will do our own things and share experiences together as well.  I have told him he will be kind of living on his own, making his own way in a sense.  I so look forward to bonding with him in a different way than before.  He is my son and I can't wait to see him again.  One day, I believe it will be Kaitlyn returning as well.   : )   Keep growing me stronger Lord!!