Today I read something about people being self-loving or self-loathing and how we need to be right in the middle.  If we can learn to have a personal relationship with God and worship Him in our daily walk, we can be right in the middle.
I have spent so many years of self-loathing.  It is very sad to me to look back on the times I was a child and somebody decided they should convince me I was worthless.  Then as a young adult I ventured on into relationships where I allowed others to control and manipulate me.  I had words told to me that said, "you are beautiful" and, "I love you".... but I also had very demeaning things said as well.
As I am looking at my life from a different perspective now, I can't help thinking how anyone in my past who treated me this way could also say or think they really love(d) me.  It still hurts me deep down to know these people could think and say these things about me and to me.  Forgiveness is the key to releasing this pain; I believe right now it is wise to let some tears fall for healing....
When I look in the mirror these days, I see "me"; the beautiful, intelligent, loving woman God made me to be.  I have NEVER seen myself as beautiful.  This is probably the most difficult thing to share, but I just had to say it.
Lord, through all the things you have given me strength for recently, I am most grateful to see myself as your beautiful creation, Cindy!  Thank you for opening my eyes and giving me the strength to get out of a spiritual shipwreck.....